Wednesday, June 3, 2015

6 Ways to Spiritually Connect with Your Spouse



Dishes. Kids. Work. School. Laundry. Church callings. Family scripture study and prayers. Personal scripture study and prayers. By the time you crawl into bed at night, there’s precious little time left to connect with your husband or wife on any level.

When you’re low on sleep and energy, it’s easy to begin feeling disconnected from your spouse. A marriage between even the best of people takes hard work to make it last. If you are feeling disconnected from your spouse, consider trying to reconnect spiritually to enrich your relationship. A marriage must be Christ-centered in order to succeed, and successfully connecting spiritually will help bolster all areas of your relationship.

By prioritizing your to-do list and with a little time management, you can fit in spiritual connections every day that will help you feel closer as a couple and closer to the Lord.


1. Scripture study

Set aside just 15 minutes a day to read the scriptures and have a short discussion afterwards. You don’t have to read in chronological order--find a topic that will help strengthen your relationship, your family, or your faith, and write down what you learn in a journal. Spencer J. Condie gave a good exercise to try in the April 1984 Ensign:



2. Daily prayer

Pray together every morning and night no matter how tired you are. Ask the Lord to bless your marriage. Douglas Brinley said in a January 2012 Ensign article that couples who kneel daily in prayer will “bring happiness into the home and invite the Spirit into your lives.”

3. Temple attendance

President Packer said in a February 1995 Ensign article to attend the temple to clear your mind and gain a spiritual perspective.

“Sometimes our minds are so beset with problems, and there are so many things clamoring for attention at once that we just cannot think clearly and see clearly. At the temple the dust of distraction seems to settle out, the fog and the haze seem to lift, and we can ‘see’ things that we were not able to see before and find a way through our troubles that we had not previously known.

“The Lord will bless us as we attend to the sacred ordinance work of the temples. Blessings there will not be limited to our temple service. We will be blessed in all of our affairs."

Attend the temple together with your spouse with a question in mind on how to improve your relationship. The temple is a key for helping couples feel spiritually connected: few things will bring you closer to each other than attending the temple together.

4. Have a real conversation every day

It can be easy to go throughout your day without having a real conversation with your spouse. Stop and sit next to each other for just 10 minutes and talk about what you did during the day. Keep negativity from coming into the conversation. This may seem like a silly exercise at first, but it’s vital to communicate frequently.

Elder Russell M. Nelson said at General Conference in April 1991: “Some couples seem not to listen to one another. Taking time to talk is essential to keep lines of communication intact. If marriage is a prime relationship in life, it deserves prime time! Yet less important appointments are often given priority, leaving only leftover moments for listening to precious partners.”

Douglas Brinley said this of happily married couples: ”You both must feel comfortable exchanging your thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism, feeling inferior, or being smothered.”

5. Forgive

Elder Hugh W. Pinnock said in an article in the September 1981 Ensign: "So often when we make mistakes, even innocent mistakes, damage has been done and an apology is in order. Along with learning to say, 'I'm sorry' husbands and wives must learn to say, I forgive.' Jesus taught that to be forgiven by our Heavenly Father depends, in part, on our ability to forgive those who trespass against us. Some of the strongest marriages of which I am aware have been between partners who could say, 'I am sorry,' and who forgive each other.”

He went on to share this story:

“A couple I know of married later in life; the wife had been married before, but it was the husband’s first marriage. After several months of marital bliss, a serious disagreement erupted that so hurt the husband emotionally that he could not function at his daily tasks.

"As he reeled from the impact of this confrontation, he stopped to analyze the problem and realized that at least a part of the problem had been his. He went to his bride and stammered awkwardly several times, ‘I’m sorry, Honey.’ The wife burst into tears, confessing that much of the problem was hers and asked forgiveness. As they held each other, she confessed that in her experience those words of apology had not been used before, and she now knew that any of their future problems could be worked out. She felt secure because she knew they both could say, ‘I’m sorry’; ‘I forgive.’”

6. Seek spiritual gifts

If you are struggling in communicating with your spouse, ask the Lord for help. A member of the Church in New Mexico shared this story in the March 1998 Ensign:

“The gospel of Jesus Christ has been a great instrument in our marriage in many ways. I went to Heavenly Father in prayer for help to resolve problems my husband and I were facing. I was led to visit with my bishop, who through the power of the priesthood bestowed upon me the gift of communicating clearly with my husband. This blessing has been of great value in our marriage.

"We also each prayed that the Lord would soften our own heart as well as our spouse’s heart and that we would each be shown the error of our ways when it is necessary. Only the Lord’s Spirit can change our hearts and open our understanding beyond that which we currently comprehend.”

Remember that an eternal marriage needs three people to be successful and President Spencer W. Kimball taught that a gospel-centered marriage brings happiness:

“If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have this great happiness. When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste, mentally and physically, so that their whole thoughts and desires and love are all centered in one being, their companion, and both are working together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle.” Marriage and Divorce (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1976), 24 via lds.org.

What do you do to feel spiritually connected with your spouse? Let us know in the comments!



Tracie Snowder is a journalist for KSL.com and mom of two girls. She received her broadcast journalism degree from BYU. She spent the first 18 years of her life in California, the next nine years in Utah and now calls College Station home while her husband attends A&M for grad school. She enjoys reading, writing, yoga, sports, music and loves the beach.

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